Emotional blackmail

As if I was not thinking enough of friendship and relationships, another sms landed on my cell raising a critical issue between responding to a message and living up for a thought that defines me. The problem is my stance would eventually reflect on the relationship between the sender and the receiver of the message, in positive or negative. How serious it is difficult to ascertain, as this cannot be ascertained at all. Certain issues are useless to ponder on but need to be tackled deftly; why, even I don't know, but we definitely need to.

Like many people, my Valentines Day went away in sorting pending works. But the very next day i.e. today, I received an sms on World’s Best Friend week (I never knew this fact). Here it goes..

“Do you know the relation between your 2 eyes? They blink together, move together, cry together, see things together & sleep together. Though they never see each other, friendship should be just like that. Life is hell without friends. It is World’s Best Friend Week. Send this to all your good friends. Even me, if I am one of them. See how many you get back. If you get more than 7, then you are really great and loveable friend to those 7 and more. Have a gr8 weekend.”

A pretty long 1 4 a msg in ‘short messaging service’ age. It split me in two minds immediately… whether to reply or not. The fact that emotional sms-es are a marketing gimmick is well known; for sure, the strategy to sell emotions by Hutch using the AirTel(ephone) has turned out to be a big money minting Idea for all telecom service providers. But the fact is should we respect the sender for a forwarded message or use our own discretion to reply or not. Had it been a simple (and original) sms asking me about my life, wats hpnin types.. I would have responded without a blink. But these sms-es tend to take away the underlying feeling in the message. E-mails can be deleted and there is always a reason that we missed the mail as it might have gone into spam, but wat abt n sms. Thinking a lot, I succumbed and did respond: “A frnd wudnt even need an sms 2 read other’s mind! But I do thnk u 4 counting me in n so goes my reply: sms assured tht we stand together. Cheers!!” Also, I did not forward the message to any and broke the chain reaction.

I humbly accept the fact that these sms-es don’t make me happy at all, where I am made a scapegoat to compulsively reply n that too in a good and casual gesture. And this very premise appears little hollow if we are talking of emotions. Where is the feeling if we are doing it for the reasoning stated? The issue is my left and right brains keep on fighting constantly with each other; one which understands the feelings of others wants to respond and the other one rubbishes the very fact and demands a practical, ‘hold your fort’ kind of approach. I don’t know the feeling with which it was sent to me by the friend but personally, I still feel that these kinds of messages can be done without. In appreciating someone’s effort or feeling (when asked) we sometimes compromise with self. Is this right or wrong nobody cares. I know one thing that these sms-es force me to part away from real me most of the time and the fear of ‘what he / she must be feeling’ lingers if I don’t reply.

My Nokia model saves limited messages. A few days later, this big message from my dear friend will definitely be assassinated to make room for a new similar one… the 360° theory will come to haunt me and I will try to be myself again; though suspect that I will be failing unflinchingly in the very second moment. This is purely emotional blackmail.

Sorrows, Misery, Happy

I received a message late at night a few days back that read --

"There are no greater sorrows than to recall in misery, the times, when we were happy…"

That line has somehow struck a cord with me. Sorrows increase, as many spiritual gurus would say, because we attach ourselves to relationships. Also, when a person goes through a change and adds up new sets of people in his or her life, many associated with that person are insecure about their existing relationship with the same and its imminent future. Skepticism is that once a new relationship blossom like in the case of a marriage, both parties involved need to sacrifice little bit their older linkages to give something to the new relationship (remember theory of Physics: energy can’t be lost; an equation is always balanced). When my dear friend recently got married, I somehow felt that people are either genuinely concerned about him or pretended to be very close to him. Any sane mind would detest the latter one… according to me they should be left alone for space to absorb the moments. Yet, at the very moment, with every new relationship making room for it, a few strings of old relationships gets stretched. If not taken care of those, they end up being broken up. We just need to be careful about those issues, where giving space to someone also demands a comfort of assurance that we are always there for the relationship we stand and care for. It stands very true for friendships, as we tend to make friends faster than any other form of relationships. Ummhh.. please don’t count acquaintances and professional colleagues as friends, as many don’t ably distinguish between friends, and the latter two mentioned here. It's little tricky, emotionally or practically, in which-so-ever way one thinks of.

Coming back to Taniya’s sms, the reason for coming up with that statement, she said… it is not hers; probably written by Gurudeb. “I had written in one of the pages of my diary years back probably during school days or so. It was an expression of mine for what was happening around me,” she told me. According to her, going back to old days and remembering the pain we had gone through, brings back the same memories again as we recall the episode(s).

I disagreed and said, “That should probably give you confidence that you overcame the difficult times that appeared not breach able then.” Therefore, I try to reach the ground when I am on a high in any relationship. So that, even during misery, if I fail to keep it at bay, I only recall the strong ground I held to give me that cushion of comfort and happiness. It is complex to understand what I might be trying to say and presented it simply… wish I could know, why Gurudeb wrote that line which is so simple and true to the core, yet needs to be perceived differently to know the crux of reality and our involvement in relationships, which are seldom simple to comprehend.

A stock of laughter

“You are getting hooked finally,” I keep on telling him. Ankur Das, my school friend for long, is finally going to be tested to the ultimate. His characteristic uncontrollable & needless laughter is expected to be controlled by sudden change in his marital status. I and some of our common friends are going to pray for him…. do you know why, read on…

Throughout his life journey, since childhood as I have followed, Ankur would be carefree and love to spread happiness all around, inadvertently. Even now, he is always a reason to see life in a different way altogether. Different from the way we commonly see. He just gives me enough reasons to know that laugh can bring around thousand smiles, which need not be intentional at all… just like that. Critically examining me, I find that I succumb to various pressures of life that snatch away my smiles, leave alone laughters. But he talks useless to me many times, which is thoroughly enjoyable. At times, I take a long pause to allow him laugh through and then, we continue again from where we had left our talk earlier. He is always at ease and comfortable with his persona and keeps on with his laughters. He makes perfect sense why one should laugh all the time (needless to say, he in no way takes his priorities for granted) and assure others that life is fine at the end of anything and everything.

I, for sure, think that his soon-to-be soul mate cannot be like him in nature. I just pray to God to have some mercy on her to take all the laughter in good spirit that she is going to experience from hereon soon. And let Him also have mercy on my dear friend Ankur so that he continues to be what has remained till now --- a stock of endless laughter.

Wish you the best buddy for a very happy and cheerful marital journey with incessant shots of laughter therein. You are just a phone call away when my stock of laughter ceases to exist and demands a recharge. On that note, I just raise a toast to my noble thought. Cheers!

Language for perception

"Sir, when tiger wants to tell that I am here, he marks by stretching and marking on the tree. Also, jab dusra tiger iske ilake mein aata hai to, it comes to know that bigger tiger is here. It is his territory. Jo jitna ucha marking karta hai, usi ka dab-d-ba rehta hai."

This is what the guide had to say about the claw marks by a tiger on a tree trunk in his tooti-fhooti english language to my acquaintance.

It was a case of our Bandhavgarh National Park safari early this year. During the safari tour, my acquaintance, a middle aged fellow, was not ready to accept his theory. "Everybody has heard about tigers' urine spraying act as a way to mark their respective territories and sharpening of claws. But, he seems confused. I doubt if he is to be believed on this theory. He is just trying to make a story, " he said.

A lot of speculation went on the subject after returning to hotel but we were still waiting for the right answer, which is cent per cent true. We thought, on reaching back to Delhi, there is every reason to google the confusion. But the answer came a lot quicker than we predicted. On our return journey, we bumped into a person returning from the same destination, who happens to work with another safari hotel retreat in Bandhavgarh (in MP). He possessed a lot of knowledge about the flora and fauna of this park. In his unique style, eloquent english, he made us understand the reasoning behind the claw marks apart from the reasons for sharpening them. He, truly, made us believe his reasoning, which appeared correct and logical.

He had the same thing to say what that semi-literate guide in the park told us. Tigers stretch a great level and try to make marks of their claws on a tree trunk as high as possible to send a clear message that this zone belongs to a strong male. "Can you match my strength and physique?" The discussion continued and we talked a lot about the animal and its behaviour in the wild. My acquaintance now believes the theory that the guide had to say.

The two cases of understanding a single subject taught me how our perception is so much dependent on language and the mannerisms a person use while speaking and explaining something to others. Use sophisticated english language - the logic appears hip, righteous and reasonable. Use Hindi language or less purfied English, the argument seems illogical to us, imperfect at times and something, not be believed at all. Seems, believing something depends on our will to accept reasonings. I only want people to forget the way a reasoning is being put forward to (for a brief moment) to comprehend reality, rightly.

Happiness: inside out

Impromptu it was. I asked two friends about their resolution for 2009. One wanted to go back to vegetarianism, as marriage kinda forced her to take up non-veg; my other friend knows the reality of life as he said, "Resolutions are meant to be broken. Why ask me?"

The questions came back to me. Well, I thought for a while. actually I started doing so even before they had asked me the same question back. I answered, to ensure I am happy inside out and not wait for someone else to make me happy. Wow!! Wat a liner! But, guess, it will take a lot of effort on my part to remain positive and keep myself calm. Now, there is atleast one challenge I am looking forward to in the new year eve. I am happy to have made a new year resolution for the first time in life and it will be an uphill task to abide by it. I wish myself and my readers a great new year ahead to achieve whatever we wish to, which of course, should not hurt any other person around in any manner... Cheers!