A toast for our Democracy

A week back or so, Dr Manmohan Singh, our learned PM, opined that independent candidates actually cut down the chances of the rightful party (or candidate) to come in power by cutting into the vote share. According to him, even if such a candidate (independent) wins it doesn’t serve the purpose in the larger perspective to represent public opinion. This means that the winning independent candidate(s) will anyway be sitting on the opposition (without voice to be heard) lest he or she (or they) joins a coalition that forms the government. I feel, by commenting so, Dr Manmohan Singh has ashamed us all considering high profile position in the government and more so in our democracy. Now, my respect for him has suffered a dent. I hope I am right in understanding PM’s rhetoric in this subject, but I will leave room for Congress Party spokespersons to correct my understanding of Mr PM’s objective of saying so.

Yet, when I see people on the other side of the voting system for whom we vote say that we need to come into the system if we really want to better it, I find Mr PM’s opinion as a contradictory one. Now, if I need to enter the system I am asked to have a full time commitment and not fight election by taking sabbatical. Also, we need to join parties that are nationalist in approach (representation) and not just emerge as independents in the ocean of candidatures. So, whom shall I vote for? For a party (or a candidate) who rubbishes the idea of this very democratic process, which evokes a feeling to be counted amongst others ------ OR ------ the ones, who might win but would not be the voice they are meant to be in the crowd of 545?

The question remains… as after the musical chair of seat sharing in various states, I stand clueless which party represents whose ideology and whom I will be voting for as the next Prime Minister? Nothing compares to India’s Democracy and its crazy idiosyncrasies intertwined within to put our life into total… well, it’s anyone’s guess! After all, we are going to make a choice. Whether it turns out for India’s larger benefit or not, would be seen in the next four years; fifth year, obviously, going to be a better one than the previous four, to pave path for another four years, I reckon. I raise a toast to this entire process… will you join me?

Discount your travel

Recently, I visited Thailand. A land of smiles, as it is known, turned out to be exactly the one. But my surprise was something exploratory and cannot be found in the city guide books. I was in the Capital - Bangkok - and had some fraternity colleagues with me for a media trip. We were checking out the street fashion, food and what not. Thai people are supposedly a smiling lot and I got a proof of it instantly on the first day, as our unplanned excursion of city started in the early hours of the day, as we landed before other delegates who were expected to join us in the afternoon. So we made sure to use our time by checking out the town in our own possible way with no guidance at all. While my accomplices were checking out some stuff, from a distance a tuktuk driver smiled at me and nodded his head. He was asking through his body language whether I needed him i.e. the tuktuk service. I just smiled, shook my head in admission that I don’t really need so. But somehow, he came over and parked his colourful tuktuk right in front of us near the pavement we were in.

After having a brief photo session with the colourful tuktuk we hardly get to see in Indian roads… we three started a deliberation on whether to go somewhere on it to spend the time we had on our hands. One suggested about “Reclining Buddha” that is popular for its beliefs and is little far from the spot we were standing i.e. near Dusit Thani hotel. Starting the conversation, the young bloke started deliberating to take his services by picking up the word “Buddha”. Wat Po, the spot we would need to go to see it, was at a distance and he offered us a deal of 40 Baht for a return journey. Not matter what we knew the fact the deal could go either way: good, bad or ugly, with only choice on our hands to make it better good, less bad or nominally ugly. So we bargained for a returned trip in half the price he quoted. To our utmost surprise, he agreed!

But with a condition, he said. According to him, we would need to stop at 2-3 shops during each way for few moments and check out stuff. We replied in an affirmative. On our journey, the shops we stopped by were elite ones and that ensured that our will to buy went for a toss. They were pricey. After making excursions for two shops on our way to Wat Po, the driver became friendly and told us that each visit by us fetches him coupons from the shops which is exchanged for free gasoline. During our return, we had become experts in entering a shop and coming out with no qualms that we did not purchase anything. We had bargained for a deal that was mutually enticing. I had taken his name, his registration and mobile number in case I needed his service once again in the city. Now, I don’t want to share his identity because doing so on Internet might have negative repercussions on him. I want him to carry on smiling as he used to do with his own understanding of English language, which made sure that I speak to him with no articles, grammar, difficult words, in my sentences. That was like -- “I go Wat Po back 20 Baht I pay you. Ok!?”

The bargain factor with tuktuk might be known to many but was a completely new experience for me. In India, we do have taxis doing the same in Agra by making us visit cottage emporiums, etc. But the scenario is not to an extent where three wheelers are doing the same in a city. This is probably because Bangkok stands as a shoppers’ paradise and depend a lot on tourism whereas India does not. I learnt a good way to discount my travel. A taxi drive would have pinched me.

Lesson for a teacher

It was an incident that taught me that we can never show our prowess over weak or subservient. Here, weak or subservient people could be juniors, people without authority or for that matter, could be even accounted for politeness.

During December last year, I had this outstation assignment in hand for a hotel association seminar meeting. So I traveled from Delhi to Agra (the venue) and back the very same day by road. During my onward journey, my fraternity colleague P Krishna Kumar from a rival publication joined in that also ensured that we did not face boring hours of road journey without companionship, that too starting early in the morning. When we were entering the eternal city, Krishna requested if we could stop for some moments to buy some “Panchi Petha” that is famous there. The driver of the car was aware of the best spot and took us right there. Krishna bought enough for a week and told me that that was for his wife who has a sweet tooth.

We reached the venue in time and got ahead with our work. By evening, when it was time to leave, we were told by the organizers to board a different car and also take a professor from a renowned hotel management institute in Greater Noida i.e. FHRAI Institute of Hospitality Management, along with. We were more than happy to have him with us, because we both had an extended discussion with that very person during the seminar we came to cover.

The professor joined in. He dealt in HR – human resource i.e. everything to do with human relationship that is vital to understand to keep an organization going. As he was boarding the car, the request came in from him that he needs to collect luggage from a hotel 15 min from there. So, the car moved in that direction right away. On reaching his hotel, he checked out from his room and settled his bills.

Meanwhile, we both were waiting in the car. Suddenly, Krishna started searching his bag. “What happened,” I queried. He had left his pethas in the car we came by to Agra. I asked him to call the driver of that car (he had his no). Krishna figured out that the car is still there and will leave in half an hour for Jaipur. By this time, Professor Saab got in and asked the driver “chalo Dilli”. Krishna requested him if we could go back to the venue and collect his sweetmeats. But this request was met with an arrogant reply that we have to again go back to the city which will delay us for Delhi. We were taken aback by that impolite reply, but Krishna was okay. I was shocked with that reply from a person who teaches HR. I did not pitch in because I felt that would have been inappropriate. The backward journey started on a sour note. When we were about to reach Mathura with the exhaust flames of Mathura refinery burning bright, Professor hurried the driver to stop the car at once. He started frisking himself.

Surprise! Surprise!!

He recollected the fact that he left one jacket in his hotel wardrobe with his home keys in its pocket. We started persuading him to carry on and call the hotel guy to courier the entire thing(s) to his Noida residence. We were not realistic in suggesting him that (because his family was not there in Noida and had gone on a vacation) but were enjoying sadistic pleasure on the episode.

Next step, the car took a U - turn. There was pin drop silence in the car. I wrote – “15 min of jrny to venue hotel wud ve delayed us. Now wat?” and showed it to Krishna who was sitting next to me behind driver and the professor. He just meekly smiled. We reached Delhi may be 4-5 hours late where the driver had to tell his boss that car tyres got punctured on its way back. On reaching Delhi the professor said to us: “We shall meet soon. It was nice meeting you.” We were speechless with plastic smiles on our faces.

Recently, a few days back, while I was cleaning my desk and sorting the visiting cards… I found him. It was more of an anguish I still carry for that person. In retrospect, I was angry with myself as well, because I could not say a word to defend Krishna’s request that day in Agra. But one thing is sure – someone taught that &%*$$@# professor a lesson. I don’t mind that it was on our expense – the time we both wasted.

Now, I don’t have his contact with me. The pieces of his torn visiting card are no more in my workstation dustbin. What about you, Krishna?

Emotional blackmail

As if I was not thinking enough of friendship and relationships, another sms landed on my cell raising a critical issue between responding to a message and living up for a thought that defines me. The problem is my stance would eventually reflect on the relationship between the sender and the receiver of the message, in positive or negative. How serious it is difficult to ascertain, as this cannot be ascertained at all. Certain issues are useless to ponder on but need to be tackled deftly; why, even I don't know, but we definitely need to.

Like many people, my Valentines Day went away in sorting pending works. But the very next day i.e. today, I received an sms on World’s Best Friend week (I never knew this fact). Here it goes..

“Do you know the relation between your 2 eyes? They blink together, move together, cry together, see things together & sleep together. Though they never see each other, friendship should be just like that. Life is hell without friends. It is World’s Best Friend Week. Send this to all your good friends. Even me, if I am one of them. See how many you get back. If you get more than 7, then you are really great and loveable friend to those 7 and more. Have a gr8 weekend.”

A pretty long 1 4 a msg in ‘short messaging service’ age. It split me in two minds immediately… whether to reply or not. The fact that emotional sms-es are a marketing gimmick is well known; for sure, the strategy to sell emotions by Hutch using the AirTel(ephone) has turned out to be a big money minting Idea for all telecom service providers. But the fact is should we respect the sender for a forwarded message or use our own discretion to reply or not. Had it been a simple (and original) sms asking me about my life, wats hpnin types.. I would have responded without a blink. But these sms-es tend to take away the underlying feeling in the message. E-mails can be deleted and there is always a reason that we missed the mail as it might have gone into spam, but wat abt n sms. Thinking a lot, I succumbed and did respond: “A frnd wudnt even need an sms 2 read other’s mind! But I do thnk u 4 counting me in n so goes my reply: sms assured tht we stand together. Cheers!!” Also, I did not forward the message to any and broke the chain reaction.

I humbly accept the fact that these sms-es don’t make me happy at all, where I am made a scapegoat to compulsively reply n that too in a good and casual gesture. And this very premise appears little hollow if we are talking of emotions. Where is the feeling if we are doing it for the reasoning stated? The issue is my left and right brains keep on fighting constantly with each other; one which understands the feelings of others wants to respond and the other one rubbishes the very fact and demands a practical, ‘hold your fort’ kind of approach. I don’t know the feeling with which it was sent to me by the friend but personally, I still feel that these kinds of messages can be done without. In appreciating someone’s effort or feeling (when asked) we sometimes compromise with self. Is this right or wrong nobody cares. I know one thing that these sms-es force me to part away from real me most of the time and the fear of ‘what he / she must be feeling’ lingers if I don’t reply.

My Nokia model saves limited messages. A few days later, this big message from my dear friend will definitely be assassinated to make room for a new similar one… the 360° theory will come to haunt me and I will try to be myself again; though suspect that I will be failing unflinchingly in the very second moment. This is purely emotional blackmail.

Sorrows, Misery, Happy

I received a message late at night a few days back that read --

"There are no greater sorrows than to recall in misery, the times, when we were happy…"

That line has somehow struck a cord with me. Sorrows increase, as many spiritual gurus would say, because we attach ourselves to relationships. Also, when a person goes through a change and adds up new sets of people in his or her life, many associated with that person are insecure about their existing relationship with the same and its imminent future. Skepticism is that once a new relationship blossom like in the case of a marriage, both parties involved need to sacrifice little bit their older linkages to give something to the new relationship (remember theory of Physics: energy can’t be lost; an equation is always balanced). When my dear friend recently got married, I somehow felt that people are either genuinely concerned about him or pretended to be very close to him. Any sane mind would detest the latter one… according to me they should be left alone for space to absorb the moments. Yet, at the very moment, with every new relationship making room for it, a few strings of old relationships gets stretched. If not taken care of those, they end up being broken up. We just need to be careful about those issues, where giving space to someone also demands a comfort of assurance that we are always there for the relationship we stand and care for. It stands very true for friendships, as we tend to make friends faster than any other form of relationships. Ummhh.. please don’t count acquaintances and professional colleagues as friends, as many don’t ably distinguish between friends, and the latter two mentioned here. It's little tricky, emotionally or practically, in which-so-ever way one thinks of.

Coming back to Taniya’s sms, the reason for coming up with that statement, she said… it is not hers; probably written by Gurudeb. “I had written in one of the pages of my diary years back probably during school days or so. It was an expression of mine for what was happening around me,” she told me. According to her, going back to old days and remembering the pain we had gone through, brings back the same memories again as we recall the episode(s).

I disagreed and said, “That should probably give you confidence that you overcame the difficult times that appeared not breach able then.” Therefore, I try to reach the ground when I am on a high in any relationship. So that, even during misery, if I fail to keep it at bay, I only recall the strong ground I held to give me that cushion of comfort and happiness. It is complex to understand what I might be trying to say and presented it simply… wish I could know, why Gurudeb wrote that line which is so simple and true to the core, yet needs to be perceived differently to know the crux of reality and our involvement in relationships, which are seldom simple to comprehend.