Not many of us can live life like Mirza Ghalib did. Being financially deprived, he used to borrow money from the money lenders who would charge higher rates. His argument though was that he has every reason to go to them. What will happen to them if people are not going to borrow money from them, he used to question. His level of expectation was different, on a different level. Even in desperate needs, he used to think of contributing to others. At the least he desired for his existence. He traveled from Delhi to Calcutta in search of his pension getting sanctioned from the then British government. Ghalib lived to see him becoming father of four and ending up as a father to none. His four babies died either during birth or within a few years of birth. He only wished some happy moments for his wife.
While that was a sad encounter about a great poet, our will to expect good is not like his. I find a difference. He never wished anything inward. We tend to do so. His’ was outward.
Now read this instance:
A friend (let’s name x) recently went through a heart breaking episode. Fascinated by another person (name it y), whom my friend met at a gathering, left x desiring y long after the latter reached another part of the world. They chatted through sms, phone calls. A gesture of friendship from y was mistaken for love. x gathering all strength expressed about its fondness towards y. Being a practical person, according to me, y diligently cleared doubts arising in their relationship and presented reasons why x’s expectations are not going to reach a realistic culmination.
I have been fortunate enough to lend emotional support to many where people have shared their inner feelings with me to find an answer. At a point when x is disheartened and clinging on to a hope against all odds (though trying every way bit to overcome the enchantment and estrangement it received from y) I tell my friend that the situation has been purely a case of “called upon” kind of. It is not bad for x to hope best for self but it is also a fair call that that should be nourished and kept under a reality check.
I feel, x should carry on loving y feeling that y deserves x and not the other way round. Let the feeling be outward where the onus falls on the other person to take a decision. Ghalib was dead right. According to him, one's need cannot overpower someone else's; rather, it should be directed towards empowering others. I find there is a connectivity between the two cases, even though a slight one. Expectations only become great when they touch reality and go beyond it.
My friend Anshuman G Dutta sums up the situation of having an expectation (true love) at its best:
If u love someone, set her free
If she comes back, shoot her
If she does not, then go find her
And then shoot her…
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5 comments:
Well Sanjeev, it was nice reading your blog. You have every right to speak out your opinion. I appreciate y for being practical enough and clearing out everything after a good period of time.Probably y realized, that nothing could work out after reaching the other part of the world. In the entire episode the person who is to be blamed is x for being so open about the feelings.In fact x should go and kill self for thinking friendship, to be love(how stupid of x).I hope x moves on in life keeping this beautiful experience as a pearl in a basket of memories and should never look back.
first, it's my blog, therefore opinion is bound to be mine. second, x is to be blamed for being an emotional fool. nothing much. x might not be realising that it was an infatuation at that given moment and therefore, should give self some time to realise it and not jump into killing self, as you have suggested. your last line is fine and apt. Yes, time is a healer and as it moves on, we realize our ignorance that should have been realized long before. Hope, x realizes that sooner than later. Ultimately, x has to. x doesn’t have a choice.
Yes Sanjeev, thats absolutely what i said. It’s purely your blog and you have every right to jot down your opinion. But, how do you know that it was mere an infatuation? Love is a matter of heart and it varies from person to person. For some, a small experience might take ages to come out of. It all depends upon the intensity. So stating x, to be an emotional fool is not fair enough according to me.
Lemme me just come out of this episode and ask a simple question. Why can’t we hope anything, after putting honest efforts and sincere shots? Hence I remember the words my room mate uttered “Umeed Pe to Duniya Kayam Hai!”
But at the same time,from a practical point of view i completely support what Anshuman G Dutta have said...."Go Shoot Her"
hmmm.... well, my blog really connected with someone!! have u gone through similar experience? sorry, just jokin.
well, hope has to be there. wat my point essentially is that one should not cling on to it forever. if something is destined to happen, it will eventually happen unless u possess a crystal ball to predict and change the course according to your liking. wat else can i say?
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