Great expectations

Not many of us can live life like Mirza Ghalib did. Being financially deprived, he used to borrow money from the money lenders who would charge higher rates. His argument though was that he has every reason to go to them. What will happen to them if people are not going to borrow money from them, he used to question. His level of expectation was different, on a different level. Even in desperate needs, he used to think of contributing to others. At the least he desired for his existence. He traveled from Delhi to Calcutta in search of his pension getting sanctioned from the then British government. Ghalib lived to see him becoming father of four and ending up as a father to none. His four babies died either during birth or within a few years of birth. He only wished some happy moments for his wife.

While that was a sad encounter about a great poet, our will to expect good is not like his. I find a difference. He never wished anything inward. We tend to do so. His’ was outward.

Now read this instance:
A friend (let’s name x) recently went through a heart breaking episode. Fascinated by another person (name it y), whom my friend met at a gathering, left x desiring y long after the latter reached another part of the world. They chatted through sms, phone calls. A gesture of friendship from y was mistaken for love. x gathering all strength expressed about its fondness towards y. Being a practical person, according to me, y diligently cleared doubts arising in their relationship and presented reasons why x’s expectations are not going to reach a realistic culmination.

I have been fortunate enough to lend emotional support to many where people have shared their inner feelings with me to find an answer. At a point when x is disheartened and clinging on to a hope against all odds (though trying every way bit to overcome the enchantment and estrangement it received from y) I tell my friend that the situation has been purely a case of “called upon” kind of. It is not bad for x to hope best for self but it is also a fair call that that should be nourished and kept under a reality check.

I feel, x should carry on loving y feeling that y deserves x and not the other way round. Let the feeling be outward where the onus falls on the other person to take a decision. Ghalib was dead right. According to him, one's need cannot overpower someone else's; rather, it should be directed towards empowering others. I find there is a connectivity between the two cases, even though a slight one. Expectations only become great when they touch reality and go beyond it.

My friend Anshuman G Dutta sums up the situation of having an expectation (true love) at its best:
If u love someone, set her free
If she comes back, shoot her
If she does not, then go find her
And then shoot her…